PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
