I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
