mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
