You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
