you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
