I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
