I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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