there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
