dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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