Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they're like a gay fantastic four
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
