i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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