Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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