maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize