i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
