You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
