She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
