yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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