why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
