He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
