the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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