I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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