didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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