You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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