you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
