Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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