I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
