Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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