Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
