I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
