You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
