I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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