How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize