we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize