did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
