Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
