If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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