Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize