I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I supernannyed him into submission
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
