there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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