And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
