don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bring me that man meat
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
