I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
