It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
