Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
