He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
