Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
