i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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