i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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