The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she told me i tasted like america
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
