and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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