About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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