you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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