i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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