ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
