his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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