Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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