I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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