No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i think i just lost a toe
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
