i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
