my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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