i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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