mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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