you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
