there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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