Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
