Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are a genius and a whore.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
