If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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