Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
