He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
