You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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