Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
