yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
