is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize