Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
