i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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