i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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