Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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