I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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