im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize