Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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