if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
