You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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