I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
