My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
