What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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