either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
