we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
