sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
