How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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