Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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