Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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