So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
