I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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