The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Rumble strips road head = magical
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
