oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
