So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize