I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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