I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize