Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
