Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
