Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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