Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
