Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
