Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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