i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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