Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
