mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
