You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
