Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
