being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
