Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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