she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
