The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
