she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize