it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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